The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
The Bejing Olympic torch will make an appearance in Tiananmen Square, before being crushed by a tank.
Knicks coach Isiah Thomas has said that all of his players are "untouchable." Much like plague victims and lepers. Despite this, Thomas believes that the women in the organization are plenty touchable.
New Jersey Net Jason Kidd is having a child with his girlfriend. Kidd is excited to be credited with the assist.
Congress called a special hearing to tell Major League Baseball to crack down on steroids. Because they've really got that whole war issue wrapped up.
Sprinter Marion Jones has been sentenced to six months in prison. But with her speed, she'll be out in three.
And double-amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius has said he will appeal his ban from competing in the Beijing Olympics. It's nice to hear he's still stumping for change. It's a nice gesture, but legally the guy doesn't have a leg to stand on. When reached for comment, Pistorious said, "arrrrr!"
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