The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
The Detroit Lions fired offensive coordinator Mike Martz after going 1-7 in the second half. Martz was surprised as it was Detroit's best second half in ten years. The Detroit Lions had started the season 6-2 before suddenly remembering they were the Detroit Lions.
The San Francisco 49ers did not fire coach Mike Nolan, instead blaming their 5-11 season on global warming.
Marion Jones has asked a judge not to give her jail time, saying her disgrace was punishment enough. Which will set up a very convincing insanity plea. Yes, humiliation is a true substitute for jail time. Luckily for Jones, this is the same judge that ordered an armed robber to be publicly nooggied. In fairness, Jones was stripped of all of her medals. And there's no replacing those - except with the millions of dollars she got to keep.
Munich is a strong candidate for the 2018 Olympics. Because that went so well last time.
The New York Knicks are so bad, they're the forth best basketball team in the New York area, behind the Nets, the Liberty, and the NYU Violets. The Knicks are so bad that they make Miami look like they have a good team. A good football team.
And the Boston Celtics have the best record in the Eastern Conference. In fairness, most of their games are against teams in the Eastern Conference.
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