November 1, 2007

Sports Minute (Or So)

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

A Colorado Rockies fan offered 25 years worth of Playboy magazines for two World Series tickets. Two tickets? We find it hard to believe that someone with that many adult magazines actually has someone he can take to the game.

The Yankees heard of A-Rod's decision to opt out of his contract when agent Scott Boras sent a text message to Brian Cashman. This means A-Rod will most likely leave the Bronx, and Boras and Cashman are no longer BFF. And in case you didn't think Boras was a big enough jerk already, he signed the text message with a sideways winky face.

Retiring Houston Astro Craig Biggio was given the Roberto Clemente Award.  Not for his community service, but for ending his career in a tailspin.
Pacman Jones is on his way to San Diego, hopefully to make it rain.

The Tour de France is expected to have a whole new look for 2008. In order to accommodate cyclists who aren't on HGH, the event's is now half a mile.

Kobe Bryant is angry with Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak, whom he believes is blocking a potential trade with unreasonable demands. It must be so frustrating when someone else's unreasonable demands get in the way of your own.

The Heat have traded perpetually out of shape forward Antoine Walker to the Timberwolves. Now that he's in Minnesota, he won't seem as fat.

And an ambulance crew who picked up a dying runner during the Chicago Marathon got lost on the way to a hospital. As if that weren't bad enough, the extra driving added an additional half hour to the runner's overall time. The crew was immediately fired and replaced by Kenyans with rickshaws.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit

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