June 12, 2007

If I Were DL?

I'd fire myself.

Beyond that...

Two trades I make this year:

Trade Jack Wilson. I want to see what I can get for him. I take the best offer and move on. No this has nothing to do with Castillo making some great plays at SS over the weekend. We all know what Castillo is capable of when he keeps his head in the game.

This has to do with improving the team. Right now we have too many batters that fit the 8 hole perfectly. Jack is one of them.

Trade Duffy, McLouth and/or Davis. I have said it before, they are all the same type of player, lots of speed, little on base percentage. Speed does not help if the runners don't get a green light.

You can't have 3 of the same player on the team. Especially if none can handle pinch hitting duties.

Looking to the off-season:
I beg and plead ownership to raise payroll to $70-$75M. I promise I will increase attendance by 1 million and get the team over .500 in 2008.

How do I do that?

First, with the trade of Wilson I get $6M off the payroll.

Second, I have $4M under $50M this season.

Add in the $20M I am banking my career on, I have about $30M to take this team to a level not seen in 16 years.

What scrap heapers do I target, remembering I am DL?

Nope, I target one guy who will put butts in the seats, maybe get a few more female fans to the game. I make the impression of progress. I target A-Rod. This team is one player away from competing in the Comedy Central. Every team but the Pirates has one player that the other team fears.

Stl- Pujols (unless you speak with the Pirates, they fear Eckstein)
Chi - Derrek Lee
Hou - Carlos Lee
Mil - Prince Fielder
Cin - Griffey

The Pirates need a player on or above the same level. A-Rod is the only player that can carry and or turn around this team. We have every complimentary player anyone would want on their team.

With Wilson and Duffy/McLouth/Davis gone. I can play Bautista in CF or 3B, Castillo at SS or 3B and A-Rod where he wants to play.

My negotiation plan:
A-Rod: Dave who?

DL: Littlefield, I GM the Pirates.

A-Rod: Pirates? They play in the Majors? I thought we had a scrimmage against a college team from Pittsburgh the beginning of June?

DL: No, that was our team. But here is my offer. Where do you want to play 3B or SS?

A-Rod: You sure you aren't a college team?

DL: No, we are a MLB franchise. What position?

A-Rod: I love SS, I miss it.

DL: The position is yours.

A-Rod: Junior College?

DL: No, MLB. Here is my offer. I get you out of NY and the media crazies. I pay you $30M a season.

A-Rod: How long?

DL: You name the duration.

A-Rod: Huh? No, how long have you been a MLB franchise?

DL: Over 100 years, now about the contract duration?

A-Rod: 10 years?

DL: Deal.

A-Rod: Huh? No, I was just ordering 10 beers for the strippers, er uh, ladies at the table.

DL: Plus I can guarantee you will be on a contender in 2008. If we are not contending I will trade you for as many prospects as a franchise can send me.

A-Rod: So if you guys are still losers. I get dealt to whoever I want?

DL: Yes.

A-Rod: Let me think about it.


ESPN: Buster Olney is reporting A-Rod has agreed to return to college and stay in the Yankees organization. Allegedly he is willing to play for their AAAA team in Pittsburgh.

A-Rod: Damn strippers, er uh, ladies on, er, at the table.

BTW DISCLAIMER: I know the above will never happen. But I have been drinking and it is late, so a crazy post is the best I could come up with. Still, would this lineup send fear in the other teams?

Bautista CF
Sanchez 2B
Bay LF
Rodriguez SS
Nady RF
LaRoche 1B
Doumit/Paulino C
Castillo 3B

It is nice to dream sometimes. It is all we Pirates fans have left.
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